So once again it's been awhile. I've decided to not say that I'm going to try blogging more often, simple because I never live up to it. Life has been interesting to say the least. I've been trying to find the positive thing in every situation lately as I've been struggling with finances and vehicle issues.
Well, last night I had worship practice for Sunday morning. Pastor Jeff does a little devotional at the end of practice for all of the band members. I was very tired (I had been up at 4:30 for an opening shift at work) and wasn't very focused. I can't tell you were he was reading in the OT, but his ending statement was, "So really, with the Lord it's all or nothing. We can either choose to completely live for Him, or not. There is no middle life. We need to be aware of the things in life that are pulling us away from the Lord, and pray that He would rid all of those things."
Needless to say, It didn't hit me until today. I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating lunch and listening to the worship set for Sunday morning. I had an AH HA moment! I realized how many things in my life I've been allowing to swallow up my time with the Lord. This causes a domino effect.......Not spending time in the Word and prayer, causes me to go through my days as busy as can be worrying about myself. Worrying about MYSELF, and what I want to do or need to do. Wait. Isn't my life the Lords? Isn't He in complete control? YES! HE IS! And I've been living blind to that. What works for the Lord have I missed? What situations have a passed up where I could have shared His love to someone that didn't have a clue about it? This was a VERY sobering moment for me today. So I quickly ran downstairs and grabbed my journal and wrote:
"Take it all. Take everything. I don't want to live this life coasting anymore. I need you to be the only focus of my life Lord God. I need to stop being so absorbed in myself and I need to just live for You. It's that simple. I've been so half hearted with You Lord. I've been loving and following You only when it's convenient for me. Well, I'm sick of being like that. I'm done. Here You go, I'm giving everything to do. Everything that is already Yours Lord."
My day hasn't been great, but this moment was wonderful. I'm so overjoyed that I'm figuring out that this life is not my own. Thats all for now. :)
(The photo is from my trip to Azerbaijan last fall. Capturing the great book of James)